Character Development and Naked Women
December 5th, 2006 by screenwriterguy
 Yesterday I posted that the time to really take a look at changing your script is when you start to hear more than one trusted voice providing the same opinion.Following my reading, there has been exactly one thing that more than one industry professional suggested I change in Fat Guy, Hot Wife. It concerns a section of dialogue that reads thusly: |
JJ
I just had an idea for a movie. It’s called Natalie Portman Gets Naked.
MATTHEW
Good title. What happens in it?
JJ
Mostly, Natalie Portman comes on. And gets naked.
MATTHEW
No real action or story to it?
JJ
Natalie Portman comes on. And gets naked.
MATTHEW
I like it. Strong potential for a sequel.
What advice was I given about this snippet of dialogue? Too crass? Not enough action? Nope. What if it’s not Natalie Portman? Wouldn’t it play better across a wider audience if it was Jessica Simpson or someone?
This is not a big deal, of course. The joke is structurally the same if you insert anyone both famous and beautiful. Certainly I’ll make this change. There are more important battles to win than this. Still, a little part of me is sad.
On some level, the kind of woman these guys would most want to see naked is a character trait I’m defining. By filling the joke with the most obvious name possible, I feel like I water down the personalities of these individuals a little. Such a trashy choice (and if you don’t find Jessica Simpson trashy, go back and watch the end of the Dukes of Hazard “These Boots Are Made for Walking” video a couple more times until you do…) makes my main characters a little less quirky, a little more common. Meanwhile, if they’re the kind of guys who might have a screen capture from Natalie Portman’s SNL gangsta rap parody as their computer desktop background (not that I know anyone like that) then I’ve defined a bit of what makes them unique.
Personally, if I were on a game show and the grand prize is my choice of either Jessica Simpson nuding up or Natalie Portman doing it, I ‘d go with Natalie every time. Obviously, both girls are physically attractive. But Natalie is smart. She’s a Harvard graduate. She has serious acting chops (even if her biggest hits don’t let her show them). These things, to me, add to her sexiness. My characters are facets of me, and personally I can think of nothing that would better make my day than seeing Natalie’s Harvard-educated body.
I’ve already changed the line in my script. Like I’ve said, there are other things in need of defending. But I like my main characters a tiny bit less now.
Meanwhile, there is a real upside to this whole experience. Now, google searches for “Jessica Simpson naked” and “nude Natalie Portman” will draw traffic to my blog.
Similar Posts:
Posted in My Journey |
Dec 20th 2006 at 4:08 pm
Actually I get the instinct to change from Natalie Portman — though I think Jessica Simpson is an even worse, much more horribly wrong answer. What about splitting the diff and going with Scarlett Johansson?
Jan 12th 2007 at 1:14 pm
I am dissapointed that you changed it but could you pick somebody better than jessica simpson? please?
Jan 24th 2007 at 2:00 am
It’s funny to think that the if you add Natalie Portman and Jessica Simpson, then divide by two, you’d get Sarlett Johansson. And yet, that seems pretty dead-on. Still, I think the joke would work best with someone whose naked backside HASN’T been featured on a Vanity Fair billboard over Sunset Blvd. (How that didn’t cause traffic accidents, I’ll never know.) Any other suggestions?
Feb 7th 2007 at 11:46 pm
Personally, I like Natalie Portman. Anyone who can star in a movie like Closer and not come across as Ms Gratuitous is the perfect choice (we’re pretty sure she’s hot, but we really need to see the rest to remove any remaining doubt).
Anne Hathaway will appeal to the pedofiles. How about Eva Longoria? Is she still popular (she also appeared in that video with Jessica Simpson).
Feb 8th 2007 at 9:48 am
EVA LONGORIA! No way! There is no possible way that would work in any way shape or form! Natalie is a thinking man’s naked woman….Jessica Simpson is the thinking “white trash” man’s naked woman but Eva is just about naked every week on Desperate Housewives—she is just naked….no thinking and really, what is so exciting about something you have seen over and over? Isn’t that the age old excuse for men cheating—they just got bored with seeing “that” over and over? (Plus Eva is too old) Next! How about Kirsten Dunst?
Feb 8th 2007 at 10:40 pm
Hmm, being a thinking “white trash man,” not sure that I agree with the Jessica Simpson comment. However, I’m now convinced that I need to see the latest season of Desperate Housewives (it’s delayed down here).
Kirsten Dunst is a good suggestion, I guess she’s over the pedophilia threshold now.
What about the “other Kirsten Dunst,” Julia Stiles?
Feb 8th 2007 at 11:47 pm
This kind of thing is exactly why writing sometimes takes me so long. I’ll spend hours thinking of the exact person who belongs in this joke, and meanwhile get no other pages written.
So to give a little background, the context of this particular scene is that the two guys who are trying to sell a TV show have their project put on hold, so they have a lot of days to kill. They’re tossing a football around, making idle chatter.
I wanted to do several things with these lines. Foremost, I wanted to use this scene to establish the rapport between the two main characters. They are in business together, but they are also the kind of guys who hang out talking random talk. Secondly, it helps establish JJ as the kind of guy who gets very half-baked ideas, and he has very little filter to keep him from expressing them.
It’s an interesting side effect that the woman JJ picks in what is otherwise really a throwaway joke is actually a reflection on his character. But of course, this does make perfect sense. How better to provide a glimpse at a character than to demonstrate his desires? The kind of woman he would hope to see naked is actually a very good window into his character.
So the joke has to be someone famous enough for most of the audience to know her, timeless enough that the person won’t be unfashionable any time soon, virtuous enough that she hasn’t done any gratuitous sex scenes yet where we’ve already seen her naked, desirable enough that we would want to see her naked, and yet peculiar enough that in selecting her, JJ says a little something about himself. Interesting…
Someone sexy but not overly sexual, obscure but not unknown. Christina Ricci? Rachel McAdams? Maybe this is exactly what they should be discussing in this scene…
Feb 9th 2007 at 12:10 am
Sarah Michelle Gellar, Emily Deschanel, Jeri Ryan
Feb 9th 2007 at 3:16 pm
Lets review the suggestions….
A)Julia Stiles is not attractive, can I say “Save The Last Dance” and leave it at that….
B)Sarah will never outlive the stigma of Buffy….either you loved it or hated it and I am afraid that most people never actually gave it a chance and thus thought it was crap….
C)Jeri Ryan is way too old….and I had to IMDB her to remember who the ____ she was…..only a TV actress thus does not really fit the “someone famous enough” criteria.
D) Rachel McAdams, seemingly good choice….? But I feel very ambivalent about her….
E) Christina Ricci has been seen very naked more than once….
…so back to Natalie….your hours of contemplation were worthwhile and she IS the right choice….so basically you are screwed…..
Feb 10th 2007 at 11:59 pm
Wait. There has been very naked Christina Ricci more than once? What movie, what movie?!?!?
Feb 13th 2007 at 12:24 pm
I love the fact that you can now purchase a Natalie Portman photograph by clicking on a link from this page…go e-commerce! And for $5.99 at that!
Feb 14th 2007 at 9:39 pm
Ha! That advertiser allows the person putting it on their page to pick up to 20 images that rotate through. (If you hit refresh, you get a new poster you can buy.) I just sorta selected TV and movies that represent my taste. And since there had been so much talk of Natalie Portman, she sorta came to mind.
May 14th 2007 at 3:32 pm
Lucy Liu? Halle Berry? Sarah Jessica Parker? Naomi Watts? Keira Knightley?
May 15th 2007 at 3:29 pm
This post continues to get comments. Who knew it would be such an interesting puzzle for people? Keira Knightley and Halle Berry have done major nudity, so they don’t count. Lucy Liu might work, though.