If you’ve been watching the news lately, you’ve seen how 10 days ago the guerrilla marketing campaign used by a third-party PR firm for the upcoming Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie “paralyzed” the city of Boston. I, for one, am happy to know that should America ever actually find itself in a real-life game of Space Invaders, at least the city of Boston is prepared. But as annoying as Boston’s overreaction is–just the latest side-effect of an administration whose re-election hinged on keeping at least half the population fearful–I find myself equally disappointed by the moves Turner Broadcasting has made since the event.

The initial response Cartoon Network made was the right one: “They have been in place for two to three weeks in Boston, New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, Seattle, Portland, Austin, San Francisco, and Philadelphia. Parent company Turner Broadcasting is in contact with local and federal law enforcement on the exact locations of the billboards. We regret that they were mistakenly thought to pose any danger.”

This is the kind of apology any good boyfriend knows how to make. “I’m sorry you’re upset, honey.” Placating, and yet oh-so free of guilt admission.

I completely understand the need to be overly cautious. I was a classroom teacher long enough to know that when it comes to safety (not to mention lawsuits) you’d better err on the side of overprotection. I also concede that I am in the target demo for ATHF, that being immature man-children who still watch cartoons. What I see as a recognizable character from a cartoon I usually find funny, an older or less cartoon-literate person would see as an unknown angry character making an obscene gesture. But should we understand that NONE of the police force or bomb squad recognized a Mooninite when he saw one? They don’t do any recruiting among 18- to 25-year-old males?

Making these allowances though, I can’t help wonder how all of Boston’s finest instantly thought terrorism. This looks like the work of al quaeda? Planting a bomb in plain sight? An idolatrous bomb? With flashing lights to help you see where it is?

Further, a visual inspection of a “hoax device” should have provided some clues. Ready for the benefit of my engineering background? Notice in the picture on the left a bunch of LEDs (light-emitting diodes, the things that actually compose the image and look like Lite-Brite pegs), four D-batteries, and a wire. Those electrical components in the lower left are called capacitors, and they can be used in simple circuits to make things flash. What’s missing from this picture? That’s right… ANY KIND OF EXPLOSIVE. If a trained bomb squad agent doesn’t know more than I picked up ten years ago in my “Introduction to Electronics” class, we have cause for concern.

So again I applaud the first response from network officials. Sorry you thought this was something more complicated than a Christmas decoration. But it isn’t. Nine other major cities didn’t freak out. Sorry you did.

Then came the press conference from the two P.R. firm lackeys hired to plant the devices. They refused to take any questions about anything other than hairstyles. Again, while much less professional, this statement is an apropos refusal to validate blustery Boston officials.

Sadly though, at some point in the aftermath, decision-making must have made its way up the Turner food chain, and the big boys have been playing mea culpa. First came a financial settlement, with Turner giving Boston $2 million, despite the city’s (undoubtedly inflated) estimate that the affair would end up costing them about $1 million. (Earlier estimates had been smaller.)

And now comes the resignation of the Executive VP at Cartoon Network.

At this point, I not only find Turner Broadcasting’s response to be as much of an overreaction as Boston’s was, I actually think they’re being irresponsible. In no way do I want to downplay the undeniable impact of 9/11 or the need for vigilance against potential danger to our citizens. But neither do I hope to live in such fear on an invisible threat that my daily routine shuts down for unofficial neon. Yes, investigate the device. Yes, fine the marketers for posting a sign without a permit. But this? Turner Broadcasting had a chance to say to the city of Boston–and by extension the country–that panic is no way to live. Instead, they taught a blustery mayor that fist-shaking will be rewarded.

Hey, Boston! I got yer suspicious package right here.

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