I’m old. Through much of my career in education, I have been able to rely on my relative youth to connect with students and seem ever-so-slightly hip in a way that other teachers don’t. But now I can see the writing on the wall, and I almost hear myself muttering “kids these days” from time to time.

But there is no denying it. I hate text messaging. I don’t find anything Dane Cook says to be funny. And am I the only person out there who seriously doesn’t understand what you’re supposed to do on MySpace?

I’ve had an account for a while, mostly so I could log in and look at other people’s links. The upshot seems to be that I get spam from people I’ve never met asking me for… well, I’m not honestly sure what they want. Maybe instead of the slogan “a place for friends” they should call it “a place for dudes with totally rockin’ bands to annoy you with junk mail.”

Lately, however, people have been reminding me that a writing career is at least as much about networking as it is about talent with words. So I thought, OK, maybe I’ll give this thing a real chance. I turned my login account into a real profile. I had a friend agree that she is actually my friend. But beyond that, I do not understand what one actually DOES with myspace. How am I supposed to meet fellow media enthusiasts from their picture? Why must every page play some annoying R&B song loudly? Just how many skanky women are out there in the world, anyway? (And I’m not counting the barrage of webcam girls who have spammed me in a very short time. I’m talking about the “normal” profiles of girls whose post pictures presumably taken on Halloween and Mardi Gras rolled up into one, in Daytona on ecstasy.)

This isn’t my typical comical wryness here, by the way. I sincerely don’t get it. There is a line between Gen X and Gen Y, and this is it. Those of you fewer years out of college than you spent in it seem to understand the value of web sites filled with, “GRL, U R lookin gr8 2nite!” Those of us who lived our Sesame Street years without Elmo do not understand.

Anyway, feel free to visit www.myspace.com/deronwrites. There isn’t much there yet, but you can sign up to be my friend. Whatever that means. Maybe I’ll introduce you to Mandi and Brandi at voyeurTwinscam.edu.

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