Nothing.

Ever.

I don’t mean the way theater always starts 5-10 minutes late, or the way sometimes your friend’s watch is running slow. We’re talking any time you try to get 3 or more people together, it’s guaranteed that one of those people will be at least a half an hour late.

The worst part is that it’s nobody’s fault. It’s L.A.’s fault. Traveling by car, it takes 45 minutes to get anywhere, even places that sometimes take 15 minutes. Beyond knowing that entering the 405 while its sunny will likely add an hour to your travels, there’s no real predicting when traffic might swell and engulf you. Sure, it’s mostly around rush hour, but then some times it happens at 1 p.m. for no reason. Or sometimes the whole town is empty (like during Sundance.) There’s no telling.

I wonder why we even have watches. Guessing is likely to be about as accurate.

I have always been the kind of person who was on time. Not early, just on time. But since I’ve moved here, I admit there have been a couple of times that I’ve been egregiously, egregiously late. I suspect, as well, that there are those who take advantage of the situation and show up late on a whim. If someone calls and tells you they’re late because traffic is bad, it’s more likely than not that they’re telling the truth.

Anyway, the whole thing makes it really hard to do what I’ve planned for later this afternoon. I’m trying to have coffee with people to join my online comedy group effort, for about an hour each, each hour. It’s doomed to fail. I’ve learned to bring a book.