In my youth, I was patriotic. I remember the feeling. Whatever might have been America’s sins as a collective, I believed our balance scale still tipped toward greatness, that we had things figured out at least as well as any government on this planet so far, and that our future offered sincere promise for ever nobler accomplishment. Hey, I’m an idealist.

I can’t say exactly when I became disillusioned. It was a gradual slip over many years, until a jaded comment on my part prompted a friend to label me, “a good, self-hating American.” That was hard to hear. I’m an idealist, aren’t I?

Was it the 2000 election that so soured me? The effect was undeniable, watching media predictions sway public opinion. I remember talking to a black friend from Florida who described intimidation tactics used at polling places, police cars with lights flashing. I remember rhetoric spewed by PR men about how the other side was asking for “ANOTHER recount,” before even the state constitutionally mandated one had been done. 24-hour news had no patience for letting the buffer zone built into our elections process do its job. I remember what was supposed to be an of-the-people process co-opted by lawyers, and witnessing the pinnacle of litigiousness as law suits determined our leader.

Or perhaps my loss of faith arrived when a tragedy occurred, and for a moment the world poured compassion to our country, but an administration that may or may not have been elected chose not to serve as an example to the world. It might have been the years watching the Bush administration ignore the voices of allies, the opinions of American citizens, and the increasing objections of the other branches of government. For reasons that will likely never be made clear, they used a contrived excuse to nation-build. Christianity is worth exploiting for votes, but not worth consulting on behavior. Fiscal responsibility has value as an accusation to defeat political opponents, but not as a guiding principal in forming policy. The Constitution of The United States can be applied selectively. I grew embarrassed by my nationality. I feared I was beholding the end of the American Empire.

I was wrong.

While the American public temporarily allowed itself to be misguided by a force that would exploit fear to retain power, the tide is turning. The United States is on the brink of selecting presidential candidates who are their own people. Republicans are rallying behind John McCain, a man who, despite the occasional step in beat with his party’s drums, has primarily been a man who acts for what he thinks is Right, party-be-damned. Meanwhile, the Democrats are witnessing the transition to a new front-runner who talks like the great men of the 60s, and who has broken through the shells of jaded citizens like myself. The country seems to be ignoring media drivel about the first woman or the first Mormon or the first African-American, and instead listening to who is the best person. We the people, it seems, want to believe in our system again.

For 7 years, the simplistic, binary message from Washington has been that bad men are out to get me. Our borders are not safe, as evildoers from other lands will sneak into my country and try to blow up Democracy, or at least steal my jobs. To combat this, I must agree to compromise my privacy with a smile, unless of course I don’t love America. I must stand in lines like cattle, get my shoes checked for bombs, and be scared of an unseen threat, like a good little citizen.

As I vote today, I choose to let the voice that focuses on hope replace leadership by fear.

In Barack Obama, we have a man who preaches at us to reach our potential. He suggests policies, and then tells us what will pay for them, and whom he’s willing to piss off to make it happen. Like his probable opponent, he seems more interested in doing what is best for our country than in feeding the political machine. As a product of a generation whose defining characteristics are supposed to be our disaffectedness and apathy, I’m watching friends rally behind a candidate talking about healing. There is an electricity in the air, and I find the better part of me wanting to rise to action when this man talks. I start feeling patriotic again.

In Barack Obama, we have a man who gives speeches, like the one musicalized above, at a primary that he LOST!

“In the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.”

That’s my candidate. Hey, I’m an idealist.

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