Recently, comedian Jay Black began (or maybe restarted) doing a column called TV 101 over at TVSquad.com.  He’s good.  His submission today is a tongue-in-cheek yet straight-shootingly correct appeal to network television, that they should change their business model or be made dinosaurs.

Skip the first two paragraphs and get to the meat of a great article:

TV 101: An Open Letter to TV Executives About Why You Should Stop Worrying and Learn to Love PIRACY

One doesn’t expect much from an awards show. Give me some small feeling of being friends with these people who make movies and TV. Let at least some of the jokes not be lame, maybe have a few entertaining moments, tell me whether my favorites are the favorites of others. I’ll trade you a few hours. But even with the bar set so low, the 60^th Annual failed miserably to clear minimum expectations.

Of course, from the moment producers made the call to give hosting responsibilities to the five nominees in the new category of reality show host, failure was written on the wall. Those personalities promptly proved how unworthy they are of the responsibility (and of having a category) by intentionally opening the show unprepared. Really? Following a major writers’ strike, you’ve chosen to slap that portion of the industry in the face? Their plan tanked, of course. Thanks, at least, for proving that there is a REASON that performers have chosen for centuries to have something prepared before stepping onto stage or screen.

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OK, I know this is an entertainment blog, and I shouldn’t be going on about politics. However, seeing as how–in addition to sweeping four states by wide margins, plus taking all the delegates in the U.S. Virgin Islands–he did just win a GRAMMY, I have an excuse.

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Continued depravity from reality TV: I’m not a snob. But if you watch reality television–any reality television at all–I won’t be your friend. While this may seem like snobbery, it is actually a reasonable concern for our nation’s wellbeing. After all, reality television grows closer and closer to destroying the fabric of western society with each passing month. I’ve warned before that we’re in danger of seeing Running Man get greenlit. Meanwhile, this week we get news that parents are upset about a contract CBS made them sign before their 8- to 15-year-old children participated in a show called Kid Nation. The idea behind the show is that 40 kids are dropped in a New Mexico ghost town and made to fashion their own society. Folks are concerned, and CBS denies, that the production violated child labor laws. Plus, some find it strange that the contract included a clause about how parents can’t sue if any of the kids catch STDs. What concerns me is that everyone is so concerned about the legal details, and no one has stopped to ponder the morality of turning Lord of the Freakin’ Flies into prime time entertainment! We all remember how things turned out for Piggy and Ralph in the novel, right? I’ve got the conch, and I want more comedy programming.

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My housemate received a similar e-mail several weeks ago, but mine just came yesterday: Netflix is reducing the price of the service I have through them.  This is the same company that recently activated monthly hours of free online movie watching.

Sure, I get that their motivation is all about competing with Blockbuster, even if it risks their stock price.  But from my corner of the world, it comes down to a company I already loved giving me more stuff and charging me less for it.  At this point, I’m not sure my brand loyalty could be harmed by anything short of learning they use Eskimo slave labor to process the DVDs, in a factory that runs on kitten grease.

As a publicity stunt to promote the upcoming Simpsons movie, select 7-Elevens have converted to Kwik-E-Marts, completely changing their look, and selling Simpsons-related products inside.

I’ve been by this particular 7-Elev– er, Kwik-E-Mart several times, and there has always been a line around the building.  You’d think people were waiting to get into the movie.  At first I thought it was quite the investment to pour all that money into resurfacing the store, but it sure looks like it’s paying off for them.  I wonder if it will have any effect on the audience sizes when the film comes out.

I for one am stoked to see a Simpsons script with writers from the good old days.

I’ll miss you, despite everything. Good finale, and great premiere. Sigh.

You will forever be, to me, like a hot girlfriend who is also insane.