“To be a lawyer, you must go to a lawyer school, like my dad, who is a lawyer.”

Clearly, my work is not yet done with this particular student.

Still, even if his diction isn’t up to snuff, he has a future in philosophy. This was another of his sentences:

“Life is a mystery, and girls are complex.”

Amen, kid.

The subject of strongest female characters begs definition. I’ve learned that it’s a far more complicated issue than one might think. A member of my old comedy troupe once expressed disappointment in the roles she had been playing in a show. She felt that she was constantly the mom, the girlfriend… rarely the funny person. (It’s a far deeper issue than I have time for in this explanation, and it’s a question with which I’ve heard many sketch troupes wrestle. Let me quickly invite you to think about how many female players there were on Kids in the Hall or in the Monty Python crew.) Anyway, long after this member of our troupe had forgotten the conversation, we were casting a show and I went (probably a little too far) out of my way to make sure she had nothing but strong characters to play. She was the funny person to someone else’s straight man. Her characters had authority and status. I casually asked later about how this new show felt, and I was shocked to hear her explain that her favorite moment was a number in which she was a back-up singer: “It’s the first time in the show I feel sexy,” she said. Clearly I had something to learn about what defined a good female role.

So when I list strong female characters, my goal is not entirely about feminist ideals or girl power, but to find writing that creates a distinct, defined character. She must be more than a foil to the male lead. Her femininity should not be her defining characteristic, and yet it must be intrinsic to her identity. Succinctly, what roles would the female actor just love to sink her teeth into? What roles would be really fun to play? Further, Xena the Warrior Princess doesn’t count as a strong woman just because she’s a woman who’s strong. And while Mary Tyler Moore was a masterfully written and groundbreaking show, Mary’s significance had as much to do with her situation as with any specialness to her character. Like any character in any story, our strongest female TV characters should help us understand a corner of the human condition, the only restriction being that the understanding come from a woman’s perspective. Here’s my list:

#10

Buffy and Sydney–Yes, there’s a certain originality to the female butt-kicker. Not often do we meet a woman we expect to take down all comers, mano-a-mano.However, the quality that earns these heroines a place on the chart is how little they actually want their gifts. Both Buffy and Sydney gained specialness and destiny from forces beyond their control. While each has a champion’s heart and cannot help but use her skills when called upon, each express a need to live a normal life as a normal girl. It is in this duality that the depth of their characters lies. The action scenes are fun, but if you want to see when Sarah Michelle Gellar and Jennifer Garner truly shine as actors, look for the moments when they cry over a lost love or struggle against an authority figure. That’s the part that truly makes them strong female characters.

#9

Samantha Stephens–Plenty has been written about the metaphor present in Bewitched. A patriarchal male refuses to allow his wife to utilize her power and ability. There’s certainly something to that idea, but to me it’s the subsequent thought that’s more interesting: how Samantha continuously walks the line between obeying the rules of the house to which she has agreed, and yet… not. In what episode does Samantha actually not use witchcraft? She loves and respects her husband, and truly wishes to live in the mortal world, but with all those magical relatives popping in all the time…

#8

AllyMcBeal–This may be something of an on-the-nose selection, but Ally nonetheless qualifies as a strong female character. At least in the early seasons, Ally’s desire to balance career, biological clock, and true romance afforded her a realistic complexity. While Ally’s quirks provided uniqueness, she also embodied a universal conundrum faced by modern women. Most days she fought the good fight, but sometimes she walked home sad in the snow to Vonda Shepherd music. Either way, even us guys could sympathize with her quest for happiness–as long as happiness meant having it all.

#7

Veronica Mars–She’s a taser-packing smart-girl crime solver. For one so young, she carries emotional damage aplenty. And while she works her way through most situations with banter-y bravado, in a field typically occupied by men, at no point does Veronica feel remotely tomboy-ish. She emits her own style, flirting and flouncing if she so chooses, outwitting and evading if she doesn’t. The most interesting aspect of her nature is her interaction with the men in her life: Duncan, Logan, Wallace, and especially father Keith. We see her mistrust, but also her desire to be truly loved. It’s beautiful and sad to watch Veronica and Keith keeping things from each other, each hoping to protect the other, only to damage situations worse.Veronica is a big ball of vulnerability and skill, not afraid to use her feminine wiles, but never willing to let them outshine her cleverness.

#6

Dianne Chambers–Aficionado of high culture, she nonetheless spends her days in a salt-of-the-earth bar. Overly educated, she nonetheless works as a waitress. Though on one hand she feels he’s below her station, she nonetheless feels an animal attraction for a washed-up baseball player. Dianne is an exercise in dichotomy. Still, there’s amazing clarity to her character. You absolutely know the viewpoint that will inform the next lines from her mouth.

#5

Lindsay/Georgia/Jane–Three short-lived shows–Freaks and Geeks, Dead Like Me, and Wonderfalls–each made a brilliant effort to bring us a young female protagonist struggling to find her place in life (or death, as the case may be.) Unlike the other two shows, Dead Like Me saw two seasons. Sadly, it almost immediately lost the magic it built in the pilot. The other two stayed truer, but neither saw a full season. In any event, I personally love writing that successfully pulls off the very thing everyone tells you not to do in your writing: building an interesting protagonist with ambiguous goals. All Lindsay, Georgia, or Jane wanted was to know what they should want. Trauma left each of these disaffected ingenues seeking purpose and identity in a way that speaks to younger generations as characters on television rarely do.

#4

Lucy Ricardo–In an era when homemaker was essentially the only option for a female sitcom character, I Love Lucy turned that role into so much more. In creating a dizzy character desperate to live in her husband’s world, creators of this show opened magnificent possibilities to show off a comedic legend. Lucy’s desire for acclaim and her fear of upsetting Ricky were driving forces in her life, matched with a natural ability to make any situation much worse before it got better.

#3

Lois–While she may be defined by her “momness,” Lois (Wilkerson) takes Mother to whole new levels. The absolute alpha-female of her household, parenting is an art of war to her. Perhaps her attitude is because of how difficult her boys are, and perhaps her boys are difficult because of her attitude. As the only female in a house of boys, we can sense Lois’s underlying desperation for a moment’s peace, but at no point do we doubt her absolute skill to command and conquer her household.

#2

Joy Turner–I had an immediate instinct that Joy didn’t belong on a list of strongest female characters. After all, she’s hardly a role model. And when you’re considering well-drawn characters, Joy’s trashy, slutty nature makes her seem at first like too easy a joke. But I realized that excluding Joy would make me guilty of the same sin I disdain so much in others: refusing to recognize the artistic merit of comedy. And the more I thought about her, the higher she went on my list. Her hedonistic, brash, ignorant side provides the show a window through which to mock the worst qualities in some Americans. But a strong bond with her husband (her new one, anyway) and her underlying drive to protect her children add just enough depth for her to stay likeable. And unlike in so much of comedy, Joy is a female character with as many or more of the punchlines than her male counterparts.

#1

Willow Rosenberg–No character has ever explored so complex an arc as Willow’s over the seven seasons of Buffy. From adorable nerd, to socially competent groupie, to budding witch, to burgeoning lesbian, to content romantic partner, to power-hungry sorceress, to unstoppable vengence-driven killer, to all-powerful goddess? Show me any other show, any other character, male or female, with a journey to rival Willow’s. I dare you. AND, every last growth in Willow’s personality was motivated and logical. I heard an NPR interview with Joss Whedon in which he confessed that while he loved all of the characters on Buffy, Allyson Hannigan always delighted him with her delivery, and so Willow was one of his favorite characters to write for. Well, having a powerhouse writer like Whedon decide you’re his favorite has it’s perks, because Hannigan was lucky and skilled enough to play a part that would be the high point of any actor’s career.

Honorable Mention

Carla/Sofia– They’re not the most complex characters, but there’s something beyond delightful about these two ladies who speak their minds.Brenda Leigh Johnston–No one has ever found so much depth of meaning from the words “thank you.”

Sometimes the title of a post speaks for itself. Here are my thoughts about some of the worst changes to Television over the last 25 years or so.

#10

Inescapable commercials Commercials are going to be a theme for this list. We’ll start with the fact that they now bleed into the SHOWS THEMSELVES! You do your duty and watch your two minutes of messages from our sponsors. You come back, and there’s MORE! It’s harmless enough that the network pops their logo onto the lower right corner. Sure, it blocks a small part of the screen, but it’s actually almost helpful when you’re channel surfing. Not helpful? The motion graphic ads overlaying the bottom fourth of your screen telling you five or six times during your show about how you should watch some other show. Leave me alone! (A fantastic parody arose, back when Joe Millionaire was frequently chased across the bottom of the screen by money-grubbing female suitors. The Simpsons did their own, animated version of the ad, with Homer distracted by the intrusion.)

#9

Elmo’s World This will probably frighten and disturb those of you who haven’t seen Sesame Street lately, so be warned. Did you know that the last third of the show is entirely given over to Elmo?It was bad enough when the theme song was changed to a bubblegum hip hop version, but now screen time for Bert, Ernie, Oscar, and Big Bird has given way to nothing but screechy red monster for twenty minutes. Don’t get me wrong. I love Elmo as much as the next fellow (in small doses.) He was the last SS muppet Jim Henson ever designed, and he has a fun spirit to his character. However, Elmo’s World is a bit pointless. In each episode, Elmo speaks on one subject. Friends. School. Books. Against the background of his crayon-rendered home, he talks to the audience about how neat the subject is. Then he asks Mr. Noodle (a Chaplin-influenced clown) who mimes a lack of understanding. Then Elmo asks his goldfish. The goldfish says nothing. Then Elmo asks a baby. The baby says nothing. It’s mind-numbing. SS has been research-driven since its inception, so I’m sure that there are reasons for Elmo’s world. But the neat part of SS has always been its strong appeal to children, all while winking to the mom or dad listening in from the other room. The wink is gone. Am I overreacting to label Elmo’s World one of the WORST things about television? Perhaps. But think for a moment about an entire generation of Americans growing up with that much less Big Bird, and that much more Elmo. One way or another, that kind of thing is going to impact society.

#8

“Supersizing” and off-hour programming At first it seemed like an actual bonus. Networks were offering extra minutes of your favorite shows. What could be better? But soon, especially in combination with shows that run just a couple minutes late, it’s clear that the networks’ true motivation is to trap us into staying for their other shows. Last week, thanks to supersizing and an E.R. wedding Event, Scrubs was on from like 9:18 to 9:57. Sunday, the DVR wouldn’t let me record Entourage at 10 because my housemate’s recording of Desperate Housewives runs until 10:02. Come on, networks. Give us a break, and go back to fitting it into a grid.

#7

“For Ordering Information…” This one is more a problem of the cable and satellite companies than of Television itself, but it proves an annoyance to my viewing experience, so I’m including it. When I sign up for TV, and I get a hundred channels, or whatever, I want THOSE channels. I don’t want to see a blank screen accounting for each channel I DON’T get, encouraging me to dial an 800 number so that I do get it. Plus, empty call-to-order screens are no longer isolated to the 600 and 700 tiers, as they once were. Now there are channels I don’t get randomly littered throughout my Time-Warner offering. When I want to surf, I want to surf, and all the boxing pay-per-views and Latin Disney channels get in the way of that.

#6

Reality This one’s a little obvious, but neither can it go unsaid. Sure, I’m severely biased, as someone who wants to write for television; the fewer scripted shows, the fewer opportunities for me to get a job somewhere. Yes, the pendulum has finally started swinging the other way, and prime time reality TV is on the outs. Not soon enough, to my mind. But we still see reality shows, with their minuscule production costs, plaguing summer programming, cheaper for the nets than even paying the royalties on a repeat. I’d rather see a rerun, frankly, than the latest installation of people whoring and humiliating themselves.Let us not forget the reality show’s ugly cousin, the prime time game show. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire nearly ended ABC when they relied on it too heavily. Now we have NBC happy to put Deal or No Deal into any available slot, happy for the high mid-range ratings, rather than testing out new programming.People, all I can say is please. Please stop watching these shows. Like so many things in life, if we ignore them, they will go away. My mom likes to insist that she never watches reality television. Well, just American Idol. Idol is such a ratings juggernaut that the other networks just get out of its way. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are owned by Idol, and no one even pretends they can compete. Do you think Lost came back to Wednesdays at 10, instead of its previous 9 p.m. slot, because ABC wanted to run lots and lots of According to Jim? Nope. So I lose a job opportunity on not just one network, but all competitors. Stop watching. For my sake.

#5

“Stay tuned…” You want me to stick around through the last commercial. I get it. Scenes from next week’s episode? That might be worth a couple minutes more of my attention. A “bonus” scene from tonight’s Battlestar Galactica? Pretty weenie, and I wish you’d stop, but at least it’s something. However, telling me to stick around for more My Name is Earl, and then there isn’t any? Not cool. That’s called lying.

#4

The death of the theme song We’re on commercials again, and this is really a corollary to #1, but it deserves its own mention. Because networks have pushed the commercials to be longer and longer, leaving producers less and less time for their actual content, theme songs have had to make room.But that scrapes at the soul of a TV show! Would Cheers have been half as comfortable without its theme song? Would we remember the underlying love between Archie and Edith if we didn’t hear them sing before each episode? Would the A-Team have started my 10-year-old adrenal glands without the help of its opening song?Now we’re down to a super-compressed song with a few credits. Lost gives us a theme song with one note. More like a sound effect, really. I liked TV better when I could go where everybody knows my name.

#3

Sensationalism I hate local news. It actually angers me. I hate its ratings-driven fluff-mongering. I hate cable news for its polarizing over-examination of poppy “issues.” Remember when news was a straight-forward presentation of facts, ratings be damned? Neither do I, but I’m pretty sure that somewhere in my childhood, that’s what it was like. I get my news from the internet, BBC radio, and The Daily Show, which has oddly become one of the more respectable talk politics sources on the air.

#2	The sound byte Speaking of important news, when is the last time you heard a political candidate offer more substance than a talking point? Political debates are now a joke, with their 90-second statements and 30-second rebuttals, all for the sake of (supposedly) good television.

#1

The commercial-to-programming ratio The pilot episode of All in the Family is 26 minutes long. Today, a new sitcom gets 20 minutes, 30 seconds. No wonder no one wants to watch sitcoms any more. Producers don’t have time to tell a story! And in syndication, episodes sometimes get cut even tighter, leaving room for more commercials, at the expense of the jokes.When you catch a sitcom today, you spend 32% of that time on commercials. Hour-longs fare a little better, with only 27% commercial, but that’s still a ridiculously large fraction of your viewing time. Is it any wonder that HBO has done well with its original programming? But let me not be merely the critic who grumbles about problems while offering no solution. I’m happy to offer networks a viable alternative. I get that it’s a business, and I get that this change in programming time comes from the continual conglomeration of networks into bottom-line corporations. However, in the business world, competitive advantage goes to those who differentiate. With every network cutting deeper into programming time, the way to differentiate would be to do the opposite. Have FEWER commercials! Advertisers currently insist that they should be paying lower rates to broadcast commercials, since DVR technology means people fast forward past the ads. But would you insist on fast forwarding through commercials if there were fewer of them? Or if there were less of the insipid ones, and more of the clever ones? It’s quite satisfying to watch an episode of Entourage or Weeds, with their 28+ minutes of quality storytelling. Imagine programs like that scheduled on a prime time major network. You’d watch that, wouldn’t you? So the networks can charge super premium rates for the one commercial, but its worth it to the advertisers because we audience members don’t even pick up our remotes when a Super Bowl good commercial plays, and everyone’s happy. Networks, feel free to give me all the credit once you’ve implemented my idea.. I’ll be the guy over here, not holding his breath.

]]> http://www.screenwriterguy.com/2007/05/08/screenwriterguys-top-10-problems-with-television/feed/ 7 http://www.screenwriterguy.com/2007/04/25/screenwriterguys-top-ten-tv-character-deaths/ http://www.screenwriterguy.com/2007/04/25/screenwriterguys-top-ten-tv-character-deaths/#comments Wed, 25 Apr 2007 11:21:16 +0000 screenwriterguy http://www.screenwriterguy.com/2007/04/25/screenwriterguys-top-ten-tv-character-deaths/ Death may be the one aspect of life that shows up LESS on television than in reality (excluding, of course, those shows that start every episode with one, where it is featured far MORE than statistically plausible.) Death can be a taboo subject, perhaps harkening to more superstitious times when to name was to invite it. I thought I’d reflect for a post on how television shows through history have handled the ultimate facet of life. When TV is at its best, reverent or not, death is handled artfully. Of course, we know that when TV is at its worst…

Here are my selections of notable storytelling surrounding the death of a main or recurring character. Because they really do fall into extremes, and to save me from sorting through which Sopranos character really had it coming, I feel like I have to break this Top Ten into five best and five worst:

WORST TV CHARACTER DEATHS:

BEST TV CHARACTER DEATHS:

Now, today’s Top 10 list does not necessarily include my favorite actors, or the people I think deliver the best performances. Michael Caine is fantastic, but you never know when he might make a Bewitched or a Miss Congeniality. As much as I’ll expect to like his performance in anything he does, I can’t trust John Malkovich to pass on scripts like Eragon or Art School Confidential. Steve Martin is one of my favorite entertainers, but he has also made some real duds.

And there are, of course, eye candy performers whose movies I will catch no matter what. I admit to you here and now to watching both Underworld and its atrocious sequel for a chance to see Kate Beckinsale in vinyl. But that hardly makes her a performer whose taste in movies I trust.

Qualifiers have few sell-outs picture in their career, and overall have good taste in what projects they should take on. I haven’t seen every movie ever, so I’m sure I’ll mess up on somebody, but here’s my list:

#10

Johnny Depp–This guy was my favorite actor since long before it was cool to have Johnny Depp as your favorite actor. We’re talking Jump Street early He brings so much to every project he touches that they may or may not be great before he comes on board. Maybe it is a self-fulfilling prophesy that movies he choses will be good. Would you have trusted a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory remake if he hadn’t been in it? And his career has pretty much been great project after great project, all the way back to the first Nightmare on Elm Street. So why not further up on this list? Well, there’s the fact that he seems to want to play a pirate for the rest of his life, for one thing. And then he has stinkers like Sleepy Hollow, From Hell, and The Corpse Bride to answer for. But I have to be forgiving, chalking those films up to his willingness to risk-take, realizing that that same risk-taking brought us Blow, Chocolat, and Benny & Joon. Can’t wait to see his Sweeny Todd.

#9

Tom Cruise–OK, OK, I know I’m going to take heat for putting this guy on the list. And I admit that Mr. Couch-jumper’s antics have kept me from seeing Mission Impossible 3 so far. And I’ll also grant you that later this month, when I put out a list of “Worst-Ever Movie Endings,” he’ll be in two of them, with War of the Worlds and Far and Away. But THIS list is based on the quality of the projects in which an actor chooses to involve himself, and, especially in his recent career, Cruise has some magnificent titles to his credit: The Last Samurai, Magnolia, Collateral, A Few Good Men, and Jerry Maguire. Those titles make me think that, however annoying his tabloid headlines, his movies are worth a look.

#8

Gwyneth Paltrow–Close your eyes for a moment, and pretend View from the Top never happened. There. Now you can appreciate a career that includes choices like The Anniversary Party, The Royal Tannenbaums, Sliding Doors, Sylvia, Proof, and Se7en. What’s that? Shallow Hall? Bounce? Shhhhh….

#7

Maggie Gylenhaal–I haven’t seen World Trade Center to know if it disqualifies her, and I’m making allowances for the uneven and clunky Cecil B. Demented, early in her career. But her subtle-but-powerful performances in Secretary and Sherry Baby put her on my short list of best actresses alive. As well, I think it’s the smaller roles a performer takes that truly measures her worthiness for the trusted actors list; what is she willing to take on for some extra money when her part will only commit her for a week or two? Will she do just any movie? Gylenhaal has gone with films like Stranger Than Fiction and Mona Lisa Smile. Brilliant. I’m guessing that as her career progresses, she will only ascend this list.

#6

Tim Robbins–Bull Durham, Jacob’s Lader, Bob Roberts, Short Cuts, The Hudsucker Proxy, The Shawshank Redemption, Arlington Road. Wow. Sure, I wish he would stop doing silly side roles like the one in Tenacious D (his hilarious cameo in Anchorman being an exception,) but looking at his overall career, Tim Robins is a god. Stick with features in which he is the lead, and you’re golden.

#5

Cate Blanchett–There are a couple of movies on her resume that are nothing special, but not many, and Elizabeth washes those away for me. Overall, she makes films that don’t get remembered as the most amazing things you’ve ever seen, but they’re really, really good. Babel, The Shipping News, Charlotte Grey, The Talented Mr. Ripley, and Pushing Tin are examples. Add to that the fact that you know that her individual performance is likely to be stellar, and she makes the list.

#4

Jimmy Stewart–I have to include the legend. Sure, it’s a little unfair to list an actor who has passed, since the real question is whether I would want to see his next project. However, I haven’t seen all of his past movies, and I would happily do so based on his name, so I think that qualifies. As part of the studio system, he probably didn’t always have as much choice in what projects he took as modern actors, but he continued to make great pictures after the studio system’s collapse, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. Credit him with Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, It’s a Wonderful Life, Vertigo, Broken Arrow, The Man Who Shot Liberty Vallance, Rear Window, Harvey, and one of my favorites, The Philadelphia Story, to name a few. That’s a heck of a career.

#3

Katherine Hepburn–If we are to speak the integrity of legends past, it’s not fair to pass up the woman that Hollywood couldn’t make wear a dress. Not to mention that it was she, as owner of the rights to The Philadelphia Story, who chose Jimmy Stewart to play along with her. With twelve Oscar nominations and four wins, it’s safe to say she was choosing quality projects.

#2

Kate Winslet–You might not LIKE every movie she ever made, but you’d be hard-pressed to find a flick in her career that is fairly labeled as bad. Of course she was in a little movie called Titanic (which I promise is better than you remember it), but she was also part of daring pics like Quills, Heavenly Creatures, The Life of David Gale, and Finding Neverland. Those are probably enough, but Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind puts her over the top for me.

#1

Billy Crudup– Keeping one foot firmly on the stage, here you have a man who has actively passed up the movie star life in effort to seek out great little gems to make. And he really has made some gems. Of course, Almost Famous is where he came onto most people’s radars. If you want to see an amazing movie that will grab onto your heart with one hand, your gut with the other, then twist, do yourself a favor and watch Waking the Dead. Crudup is dating Claire Danes, and he passed on The Incredible Hulk. These facts alone prove the man has taste.

Who did I miss?